Ho Ho Ho

It’s late and I am knackered,
Both of these things are true.
So rather than a wordy blog
This poem will have to do.

I’ve been cutting carpet
And muttering the garden.
Not the spirit of the season,
So please do beg my pardon.

I was reminded earlier
By a televisual ad
That recently my advent calendar
Made me angry and quite sad.

Behind the door I opened
I can’t remember which,
Was a phrase that cut me to the quick
So let me have a bitch.

In a supposed jokey way
I couldn’t believe my eyes
The calendar just called me fat
“Who ate all the mince pies?”

For those with low self-esteem
Or disorders with their eating
This could be quite a harmful phrase
Whose impact is not fleeting.

Six days before Santa comes
Or something around that
You don’t expect a calendar
To label you as fat.

Especially one with chocolate in
Which is not a slimming food.
I have to say that, Dairy Milk,
I think it’s rather rude.

And while I laughed it off, you see
And made light of it on this page,
It’s probably not something you should have put
In this enlightened day and age.

You’re not the Daily Mail,
On a war against the fat
And you’re not Katie Hopkins
Or some other annoying twat.

You’re just a jolly calendar
With doors ’til Christmas Eve
But if there’s anything else like that
They’ll stay shut I do believe.