I’ve changed the cat flap on the back door, eventually.

We’ve had a new one sitting in a cupboard for the better part of a year but I’ve always been too busy or distracted to do anything about it. Well, that and the fact that amongst the required tools it listed glue. Which frightened me on a number of levels and led to many a mental image of a cat stuck – literally – half in and half out of the damn thing.

But as it was just a straight swap, it was pretty much a case of off with the old and on with the new. As long as you can work out how to get at the screws of the old one without basically lying on the kitchen floor with the back door open calling a piece of plastic a complete bastard. You know, hypothetically.

So the old came off, and the new went on. Pretty much seamlessly. It was a nice easy job, to be fair, and one that took a lot less time than it’s taken me to procrastinate it all the way to January.

There are several key differences between the new flap and the old.

  1. You can see through the new flap, and not just look at a mucky layer of ick.
  2. The new one doesn’t have a hole in it filled with a large amount of cat hair.
  3. The seal on the new on is intact so an icy wind doesn’t try and slice you legs off at the ankles.
    And the best one…
  4. Peppa can’t fathom it out.

I think it’s fair to say that Peppa has a few reservations about the new flap. Because it loosk different, smells different and isn’t full of hair. It also works as it should. Which means that it’s sealed a bit better than the old one. Which is to say, it has a seal. All of these things have lead to a confused cat for most of the afternoon.

She’s pretty much sussed it now. I think. But we shall see. She’s managed to come in through it and somehow wedge it open, so there’s definitely a few lessons needed but we’ll see how it all pans out.

The worst thing about the cat flap, though, is the warning that comes with it.

It basically says that the manufacturers of said cat portal cannot be held responsible for other small animals and even people such as small children entering your home.

It’s a cat flap.

Like a small cat flap.

I don’t know how small the small children I’m being warned against are, but if they were written about in a book Joey would be totally putting it in the freezer. They would have to be freakishly small.

I can understand if it was a bigger flap, like a dog flap. I’ve seen Home Alone. I know that they would come with a warning about how they can’t be held responsible if the Wet Bandits get in your home, but a teensy weensy cat flap?

I guess they alude to the fact that a ne’er-do-well could, if they were so inclined, remove the flap and – through the hole in the door – insert a criminally minded child who could do evil. Still a moderately freakishly small one, and with a ne’er-do-well’s moustache, but a child none the less.

However, I’d know if that was happening. Because they’d be lying on the floor, trying to get at the screws and calling a piece of plastic a bastard.

It’s a total giveaway.