The Post-Stroke Diaries – Day 8: Cycle Of Misery

Surprisingly enough, mum gets upset snd frustrated at being unable to do things she used to be able to do. It’s hard to imagine how frustrating it must be to not be able to do something you used to consider as simple because you can’t fathom not being able to do it for that very reason.

In the past week I’ve seen mum really upset about two things.

The first was her inability to change a duvet, as I’ve mentioned. This led to her questioning the point of existence itself as though one of the prime requisites for life is its ability to change a double quilt.

Today was the second which revolved around the instructions for the washing machine – she wanted to check one thing about the recommended spin speed. That was it. But she couldn’t find the instructions, and when she did find them she couldn’t find the bit that she wanted.

So she threw the instructions – a loose leaf home-printed pdf version – in the air and scattered the pages to the wind.

Which she then couldn’t put back in order.

To walk into the house and find that was heartbreaking.

But, in a way, it’s also a good indication that mum is not planning to be beaten by her homonymous hemianopsia. If she was aiming for beaten, she’d not even bother to look. She’d just sit there and let someone else do everything, effectively a passenger in her own life.

But she’s choosing to grab it by both hands and, if it doesn’t do what she wants, smack it to the ground and stamp on its balls. Sometimes she’ll miss. But it seems like she’s determined to keep stamping.

As long as there are no shapes involved, obviously.