Turf Wars

I received a text message from Northern Gas Networks this morning hoping that I’d had a “good experience with NGN” and if I could provide evidence of that experience through an arbitrary number between 1 and 10.

I went with 4.

They phoned me about twenty seconds after I sent the text. I didn’t know it was them, so I have an overly friendly voice mail from a representitive of NGN asking if I’d like to discuss things further and if so to call them back.

I haven’t called them back.

The survey allowed me to justify my answer in text form, which I did with a rant about mud and odd coloured flagstones. In hindsight, I should have just sent a string of poo emojis as that would have summed it up quite nicely.

As I was doing all this, a man from the making it right (or making it a bit less wrong) team was fitting turf next door – the side where OCD rules with an iron fist.

There are several rules regarding turf – even I, as a non-gardener, know this. It takes time to bed in, for the roots to grow from the piece or turf to the soil upon which it sits. You should try and disturb your turf as little as is humanly possible for at least three weeks.

Or, if you want, just mow your lawn as normal. Taking, incidentally, the time it took me to make two batches of chocolate banana muffins – cooking time 20mins per batch – to mow a small garden.

And then a sound like a dog choking on a sock as the lawn mower had taken hold of a strip of freshly laid turf and got it wrapped around its blades. I had to look as our neighbour held up a mangled piece of turf, before she placed it down and gently smoothed it out.

Then brushed it.

Then mowed right up to the edge of it.

Then brushed it again.