The Gatekeeper

I faced one of the toughest challenges of my life today.

Logging in to the Government Gateway, the access point for all manner of things that you can do online that would normally require a form with a complicated designation.

To access, I required either my passport – an item I do not have – or my P60 – an item I could not find.

You can see the challenge.

And yes, no passport. I know. I am a freak. I have never had a passport. Which will, undoubtedly, make for some fun times and a visit to Liverpool when I eventually apply for one and try to explain why I’ve never had one. Best answer: until I came to try and log in to the Government Gateway it’s not been something I needed.

My experiences with the Gateway centered around the HMRC, which is why I needed my P60. What other information could I need to log in somewhere than my exact pay for the year – including pence – or my National Insurance contributions.

But the envelope labelled “Jake’s Work Shite” does not contain my P60. Every other piece of paper in existence relating to my old job is in there but not my P60. Which is Somewhere Else(TM).

I’m sure I have it. I just have no idea where…

So faced with no passport and a lack of P60 I was faced with a series of questions “only I would know the answer to” based on my credit report.

If those are the same questions that will be used to work out if I’m me or a clone then real me is in a lot of trouble.

Does anyone really know long it is since they opened an account with a retailer that has a credit facility, for example. Other than, say, ages ago.

And questions that start, “In 2007…”