Border Panes

There are many things that amuse me about the current President of the United States. Outside of his tantrums, strops and general Twitter rants he comes out with some things that are just amazing.

Like the one about building the Mexican Wall(TM) out of glass – or some other see-through material so that when the Mexicans throw their massively heavy bags of drugs over the wall, they won’t accidentally injure anyone on the other side.

It’s a fantastic statement.

A glass border wall, for starters, would become some sort of tourist mecca, like a sort of zoo when you can go an see a Mexican in the wild, as it were. Your children have never seen a Mexican in real life, you say? Well, hop on down to the border wall, pay a nominal fee – for the general upkeep of the wall, naturally, something this big and glassy needs a lot of Mr Muscle – and you can stare at them from the safety of your own country. Be careful they don’t throw one of their ludicrously heavy bags of drugs at you though, like a monkey would throw poop. Or a tapir would should some sort of excreta from its rear quarters.

But the fact that the Donald thinks that this wall is going to lead to the flinging of sixty pound bags of drugs (a weight decided upon by himself) rather than the more traditional tunnelling method which is tried and tested along parts of the border when there are fences is brilliant, too. I can only imagine that they’ll be resorting to the throwing because this wall is going to extend down into the earth in the same way as you do with a fence around a pen you keep rabbits in to stop the buggers digging their way out.

But if they’re capable of shot-putting these bags of drugs over the wall, then they could just rip the wall apart with their bare hands.

And then when you really stop to think about, coming out with a statement about the wall being glass is like he is vocalising everything he is thinking about. To him, every policy has come off the back of the question “What are you thinking about right now?”

“I’m just thinking that the Mexican wall can’t be made of sticks because wolves could blow it down…”

“I’m just thinking if I was at Disneyland and the Secret Service yelled “Donald, duck!” would I want to have my picture taken with him?”

“I’m just wondering if ghosts wear clothes…”

“I’m just thinking about how I’d rather some refugee children drowned that allowing a woman to have an abortion because that’s a living creature she’s trying to get rid of…”

You know, that sort of thing…