Two Wrongs Don’t Make A World-Ending Cataclysm

It’s okay, everybody.

The end of the world, the Rapture and all other associated nonsense is coming next month.

The guy who predicted that the Earth would meet its fate as another completely fictional planet slammed into it says that when he said it would happen on the 23rd of September people misunderstood what he meant. And what he meant was it would happen in October. The 21st, to be precise. Which is, by-the-by, a Saturday. Again.

So, you know, if you know anyone with birthdays after that date you don’t have to bother with cards and presents.

That’s why no-one I know got any Christmas presents in 2012 – the end of the world was coming with the end of the Aztec calendar and it was just before Christmas and I figured why waste money buying stuff that was just going to be destroyed in whatever fiery cataclysm befell the planet. But you try explaining that to your girlfriend on Christmas morning without sounding like a crazy person.

It’s easy, though, to understand how when someone says “September 23” they can be misunderstood and you’re a fool not to think they meant the 21st of October. Those two dates are so similar.

I must admit, this end of the world happening every month thing is putting a real crimp in my job hunting. I mean, what’s the point in filling out long, detailed applications listing all my accomplishments and providing examples to illustrate my statements when I’ll be lucky to get an interview or my feet under a desk before the world crumbles into the void? I mean, I’ve already decided that if I find my dream job and, on the day I’m due to start, Trump or “Rocket Man” press the big red button that must never, ever be pressed, I am going to be a bit disgruntled.

Incidentally, I can’t be the only person who thinks that Trump got the “rocket man” nickname from watching The Rock with Sean Connery and Nic Cage, surely. I mean, we already know he thinks Sweden was the site of a terror attack based on something he saw on the tellybox.

Anyway, 21st of October.

Although I’m willing to bet that come the 22nd of October, the man who does the doomsaying will take off his tin hat and claim he meant November all along.