Read All About It (Yesterday)

I went on an expedition today to secure myself a copy of the Huddersfield Examiner. Because, fact fans, Wednesday is traditionally jobs day. And with today being Wednesday, it was decided that the paper should be purchased just in case I was missing any employment nuggets.

“But wait!” I hear you say. “Who buys a newspaper nowadays?”

Exactly my friends. Exactly.

Newspapers, once the backbone of information dissemination are now novelty items mainly bought by the elderly and people with inadequate data plans. Everything is online. We live in a digital world. I can read everything that is in the paper online. And, brilliantly, I read everything that is in the paper online yesterday. Such is the nature of print journalism.

I used to have a thriving career as a paper boy, keeping the denizens of Norton Tower up-to-date with their news and current affairs and reading the Garfield comic in whichever paper it used to be in. I think it was the Express. I hope it wasn’t the Mail. I will have to rethink all my life choices if it was. I can’t imagine that the Saturday bag – which used to way an absolute ton due to the volume of paper within – weighs anything close to what it used to, now that people have the news at their fingertips.

It’s both a testament to the technological marvels of the time, and a sad reflection on the death of the smelliest, dirtiest form of news acquisition.

Anyway, today is job day. But what the paper now does is, basically, act as a printed out version of Fish4jobs. It’s a website made flesh. Or paper. A website made tree flesh. It’s digital information in analogue form.

I should have looked in the paper in the shop. I could have had a quick look and clocked that it’s all the stuff that I’ve already seen online – both jobs and news.

The worst part is that it cost seventy-five pence.

I also bought a tub of custard. The custard was only slightly more expensive than the paper. And I’ve had a lot more joy and fulfilment from the custard, I can tell you. But then, you can’t eat custard online.

Well, if you’re on the right websites you probably can.