Widow-n’t

trumpheadYou’ve probably seen the news about Donald Trump’s antics as he tackles another chapter of the Bumper Book Of How To Do Diplomacy. In this chapter he’s phoned the pregnant wife of a soldier who has died overseas and said that it’s sad and all but he knew what he was signing up for. He’s then gone on to say that no other President has rung people like that – well, maybe Obama did it a couple of times, but generally he’s the first one who’s done it.

You know, just like he’s the first person to use the word “fake”.

Like, ever.

Other people might have used it in the past, but he has certainly never, ever noticed it.

That’s what he actually said.

Yeah. Drink that in.

Anyway, where was I?

What I like about this story is, of course, that he’s called it out as fake news, despite it coming from the at least three people who were present when he made the phone call. But, obviously, because it’s anti-Trump (as, indeed, most things are) it’s fake news. Because that’s how egotistical ass-hats deal with bad things.

So Trump has tweeted -again, naturally – that he didn’t say that at all. And he has proof.

He’s not released the proof. He’s just casually mentioned it in a tweet. As he does with most of his big ideas. Because Twitter’s character count is the place to get stuff like that across. I mean, just look at Ben Affleck who – courageously – apologised to Hilarie Burton for groping her some years ago. Via the medium of Twitter. He didn’t even @ her. He just mentioned her name.

I mean, the reason he didn’t want to apologise in person is, of course, because Ms Burton’s other half is the guy that plays Negan in The Walking Dead. And we all know how he deals with people he doesn’t much like… Affleck might be Batman and all, but he’s probably no match for an angry man with a barbed wire-wrapped baseball bat.

Anyway, what is this proof that Donald has? Is it a recording of the conversation? Is it a transcript of what he should have said – and so, obviously, did because it’s a thing that exists. Maybe a sworn statement from one of his offspring that he totally didn’t say anything of the sort. Which, later, will be revised to say that he might have said something a bit like that. And then, a bit later still, that he did actually say all those things.

Or is it, in fact, bullshit.

I’d like to think it’s a recording that he’s currently making in which the part of the grieving widow is played by the voice of the teacher from the Peanuts cartoons.

Or Mike Pence putting on a high-pitched voice and saying things like, “Oh, thank you Mr President. You know, you are the first President to really phone people like this…”

I call fake (© Donald Trump 2017).