I had a gap in proceedings during the day today – the locking people in a dungeon business sometimes affords a little bit of downtime in and amongst claiming victims. I did a variety of things – I washed the front door of the establishment, I tidied up the office, and I saw many, many terrifying things on the roads outside.
There was a hell of a lot of beeping at one point. And when there’s a lot of beeping you can’t help but get up and have a bloody good look. Yesterday, for example, I was lucky enough – as I waited for a party to arrive – witness an actual get-out-of-the-car-and-shout-at-the-occupants-of-the-vehicle-behind road rage incident. You know, a proper old school confrontation. I didn’t think people did that anymore.
Today, however, I saw a car attempt to drive the wrong way up a one way street. But to add to the excitement they chose to go up a bus lane. The frantic beeping was from a car in the other lane trying to prevent some sort of cataclysm. If anything it made it worse, because the car that was previously heading the wrong way then turned so it was perpendicular to all the traffic, effectively blocking the entire road. When they eventually moved into the correct lane and were pointing in the right direction, they then tried to turn the wrong way. Again leading to huge amounts of beeping. Probably far more than was strictly necessary.
But all that paled into insignificance when I saw what is, I think, the best thing I’ve seen taking place in a car for a long time.
It was a man, eating. Which is no big deal. People do that all the time. He was eating a sandwich. Again, not really a big deal. I mean, it’s probably not the best thing to eat while driving, and the danger factor is increased exponentially by the sloppiness of the filling contained within the bread. But even then, I have seen people eating sandwiches while driving. I spent however long going to and from work on the bus, passing people doing all sorts of things in cars.
But until today I have never seen anyone tucking into a cheese toastie as they sped along the road. An actual, golden brown, toasted cheese sandwich.
There are so many questions. Was it still warm? Had he just bought it, or made it at home and put it in the car in case he got peckish – I mean, who wouldn’t do that? Did it start out as an ordinary cheese sandwich but he’d really gone to town with the car’s cigarette lighter?
Someone’s going to have to go some to top that, I reckon. It’s highly unlikely that anyone will be driving along eating, say, a roast dinner.