Snow Country For Cold Men

It’s snowed. Primarily down south, but it’s snowed. And the whole country has lost its shit.

That’s the one thing about the snowy weather that you can absolutely guarantee. Our – as a nation – response to snowy weather is absolutely terrible. Everything grinds to a halt because it’s a bit snowy. And it’s not even half as snowy as it used to be when I was a kid. That’s when snow was snow. When snow drifts could be huge, and kids could earn coin from their neighbours for clearing their driveways.

And now we get a bit of a flurry, maybe a couple of inches of ground snow and nothing can happen. At all.

And god forbid it falls anywhere around London. Because then all bets are off. The capital city of our great country grinds to a halt because it’s a bit nippy outside, the sky is grey and fluffy white precipitate falls from the sky. A city which houses people who work every hour that god gives because they’re dedicated high flying executives, but once they can’t get any traction in their grip-less dress shoe they’re absolutely screwed.

My parental home is on the top of a hill in Halifax. We used to get proper snow. Buses would stop and we’d have to walk halfway home from wherever we’d been because gritters and snow ploughs hadn’t made it anywhere near our house. I’m not talking Hannah Hauxwell levels of snow, and having to trudge through it all with a bale of hay on our backs, but it was a decent amount. Many a time it would go over the top of your wellies, causing snow to fall down inside the boot and make your feet wet.

It was awesome.

Nowadays we get nothing like that. Nothing at all. But at the first sign of a flurry everything closes in case someone slips and the roads gridlock because everyone immediately races for their cars to get home before they are trapped. And then can’t work out how to drive in snowy conditions.

On the news today, incidentally, their was a reporter on the M25 explaining the effect of the weather and the newsreader said “There is traffic there, but it doesn’t appear to be moving quickly?” As it shouldn’t. Because it’s poor road conditions. Dick head.

We as a country stand up in the face of terrorism. Everyone changes their Facebook profile pictures to show solidarity with Manchester, or London, or wherever. Which is a great and admirable thing. It’s amazing.

Nothing can beat us.

As a nation we are unstoppable.

As long as the weather’s alright. Otherwise we’re screwed.