I managed the best level of stealth I have ever pulled off yesterday.

I came home from work last night, having locked another team in the dungeon for ever, to find Carole asleep on the couch. She had had a shit night’s sleep the night before and was understandably knackered. And she’d had a busy day at work. So it all just came crashing down on her and the best way to deal with that is to lie on the couch under a duvet and the new genuine muppet skin throw and sleep away your problems.

I woke her up – gently – when I got home so that she knew I was there and could rest easy without having to wait up for me, full of worry that I may not make it home from town. As was clearly the case. Carole remembers this as a point at which we had a conversation. We did not. She said “Oh you’re home!” and then fell asleep again. That was it.

I then spent the next two and a half hours in the front room with her sleeping on the couch behind me. I did everything I normally do. Played on the laptop, played on the Xbox, made stupid amounts of noise, caused my phone to vibrate. kicked a candle holder that rang like a gong, talked to myself a bit, dropped things, swore.

All my usual activities.

She just slept on.

And then I was faced with a moral dilemma.

When I went to bed should I wake her and encourage her to come with, knowing that she might not get back to sleep immediately or get some sort of second wind which would end with her chatting non-stop for about three hours to make up for the time I was out at work. Or should I just turn the lights off and just creep away leaving her to doze and thus enjoying the thrill of starfishing in the bed?

It’s obvious, isn’t it?

I totally just left her. I thought she might wake up when I flicked the lights off and turned off the TV, but there was barely a stir from her. I didn’t creep about. I made an amount of noise which could have woken her from her slumber but it didn’t.

So I can say that I tried. Hand on heart, I tried. I didn’t try very hard, but I’m not doing all the work. She had to put a bit of effort in on her part. But she didn’t seem willing to do that.

Although having said all that about moral dilemmas, it clearly wasn’t playing on my mind very much as I got to sleep straight away with no lingering doubt about what I had done being right.

And then this morning when she told me that it was nice to sleep without me snoring in her ear for once, I thought sod it.

I’d leave her on the couch again in a heartbeat.