Bye News

Lordy, you make what you believe to be a simple vow to steer clear of everything Trump-y and he only goes and ups the ante by coming out with astounding new levels of idiocy. And then on top of all that, Boris Johnson joins in and starts saying that everyone who has a pop at Trump for not visiting the UK is some sort of fool. But obviously using ridiculous words like wiff-waff and the like because he’s Boris Johnson.

I think, for my own sanity, I’m going to have to delete my Sky News app. I don’t know how long I can manage not to read things when I’m being bombarded with headline after headline about idiot that’s left his village for bigger and better things.

At least there was some brief respite this afternoon when a headline alert informed me that terror police had “arrested a female Heathrow Airport” because up until that point it had really, really bugged me that I didn’t know what gender Heathrow Airport was. I mean, technically I still don’t I guess, as that news headline only states that the police have arrested a female Heathrow Airport, not the female Heathrow Airport.

So it could just be a Heathrow Airport that gets paid less but does the same, or more, work.

I know, right. I’m like a modern day Ben Elton.

Who would have thought I could go from avoiding Trump to some biting satire on the nature of the gender pay gap based solely around a typo made by one of the Sky News App media muppets.

But the app’s going to have to go. It sent me something about Nigel Farage yesterday which is a step too far but it’s still nice to know that he can be wheeled out every now and again when he needs some appearance fees or something. He is, a newspaper reported recently, skint and miserable so every little bit of publicity he gets helps him garner more interest in his face, which looks like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets has melted, and what he has to say. And then he gets money so he can be less skint and less miserable.

It seems to be a thing for racist political types, running out of money. The BNP guy went bankrupt and Nigel Farage is skint. You know what the problem is?

They refuse to keep their accounts in the black.