Noisy Bastards

The noisy neighbours are back.


We haven’t really had too much of a problem with the noisy bastards for about a year or so but over the last couple of weeks they’ve really been pulling out all the stops when it comes to be being a bunch of inconsiderate fucktards.

We got the council involved last time – they sent some sort of discouraging letter which was widely ignored, came round a couple to times to talk to our neighbours and gave us some recording equipment which we kept for about two days before they came and took it back.

Going to the council with a noise complaint is all well and good but what happens is that they look at your complaint and then try and make you feel bad about making it and say that while you might find the music annoying, say, it’s proving that it is in fact a nuisance that’s the real issue.

Basically, they’re going “Hey, we are the official department for this but we don’t really like doing it, or hold any sort of actual powers so, um, just live with it.”

We’re currently enjoying a series of thumping bass tracks – because a party ain’t a party if you don’t listen to the same few songs over and over. I thought I’d have a quick look at the council’s website just to see what the guideline times are with regards to loud music. Not that even that is any kind of rule or regulation as the website, in large font, is at pains to stress that there are no rules regarding volumes or times when it comes to music. Or, if you read between the lines, you’re screwed.

But there is a number you can phone between certain hours and a low paid council employee will come out, maybe, and listen to the noise and judge whether it’s out of order or not. He’ll then possibly bang on a door and have a stern word, but not too stern because there are no actual guidelines for that sort of thing. And then he’ll depart.

The night time noise service is suspended during the winter months.

I mean, what? Don’t people make noise after the clocks have gone back in October? And they don’t start again until the clocks have gone forward again in March? I’m not sure that’s actually the case. I could understand if it was suspended over Christmas and New Year because, you know, parties. But for several months over the winter period?

Unless the helpline is purely for the use of – or staffed by – bears, I can’t really see why they’d do that.

Or maybe hedgehogs.