He’s Not Lovin’ It

A quirk of fate found me working a little bit longer than I anticipated this evening. You should never underestimate the devastation that can be wrought on a person or persons by them not escaping a room, or their need to prove themselves further by asking – some would say desperately – if they could play the other room immediately to try and redress the balance.

Then you should never underestimate the devastation that can be wrought on a person or persons by them not escaping two rooms on the same night.

Which is what happened this evening.

So I ended up finishing work at a weird time. Normally I’m within a decent spit of a bus – maybe ten or fifteen minutes to go. This time I found myself with nearly forty five minutes to kill.

So I took myself off to McDonalds because it was late and I was hungry. I wasn’t fully committed to the McDonalds idea, because the town centre McDonalds in Huddersfield can sometimes be akin to a war torn province, but it was nice and quiet so I thought sod it. Plus is was the perfect opportunity to try the celebratory Grand Big Mac. Which is just a Big Mac but with more bread and lettuce. Essentially.

Anyway, I got that, and I sat in the warm and ate things and generally chilled until such time as I could go for the bus.

Doing this afforded me the opportunity to listen in on a conversation taking place behind me which was, essentially, dull as ditchwater but included the line “it’s got cheese on it as well, we didn’t ask for that…” Which, I worked out, was in relation to his burger.

The thing is, you’re in McDonalds. There’s cheese on everything. If it moves there’s cheese on it. If it doesn’t move there’s cheese on it. If you’re not sure if it will move or not then stick some cheese on it anyway. There are more things on their menu with cheese on that without cheese.

Even breakfast – a notoriously cheese free meal – has cheese. Whether it’s a McMuffin with cheese or the new cheesy bacon flatbread in which a large amount of cheese is introduced to some lesser ingredients, the whole thing is a cheese fiesta.

I bloody love cheese, though, so it doesn’t bother me. But this man was appalled that cheese had entered his burger without him specifically requesting it. I mean, after being appalled he did nothing to remedy the situation other than devour the whole thing but he clearly wasn’t happy about it.

I’ve never heard anyone ask for a burger in McDonalds without cheese though. I imagine a klaxon goes off and a troop of suited militia come out and escort you from the premises while reminding you about the core values of the McDonalds brand – that is to say, if it moves put some cheese on it.

But then I’ve also never seen anyone be so disgruntled by the presence of cheese but then proceed to devour it as though it was their last meal.

My grand Big Mac had cheese in it as well. It helped to stick the overabundance of lettuce to the massive face of the bread bun.

It was bloody nice though.