What’s The Beef?

Part of the fun of my internet browser is that, as a home page, it gathers news stories and other ridiculous click-bait and displays it in an easy to read (and then ignore) format. Every now and again, though, there’s something on there that captures my interest and I have to dig a little further. Usually it’s a ridiculous news story like, say, the non-news piece that a character in Coronation Street dropped a clanger by claiming to play on his PlayStation 4 but the controller’s light bar wasn’t lit. So he clearly couldn’t have been playing on it.

I mean, you can turn off the light bar in the options, and extinguishing it is a good way to preserve your battery but, you know, run with that news story like a clumsy person running across cobbles carrying scissors.

There was once some click bait about finding out how some actresses became the shortest people in Hollywood. But I didn’t click that. Because it’s surely by other people being taller. I mean that’s generally the crucial point when it comes to being shorter than other people.

Or then there’s today when I see a story as I log on, and it changes my entire blog. Someone has gone out of their way to contact a newspaper – The Mirror, but it still counts – because their son looks a bit like a boy on a poster eating a cottage pie.

Shit, sorry, I never even thought to make sure you were sitting down before you read that.

But there it is. A boy looks like another boy. The mother of the boy that isn’t the boy eating beef says that they could be twins and that he (the boy that she’s the mother of, not the one eating beef) knows it’s not him (the one eating beef) but no-one else can tell the different. No-one. Not a single person.

I suspect, reading between the lines, this means it’s on Facebook and some people have gone “OMG” and used that shocked face reaction instead of a normal like.

She has even gone as far as to contact Morrison’s “to ask”. Ask what? You already know it’s not your son, so what do you need to ask? I don’t understand. Do you think Morrison’s stealthily take pictures of children eating cottage pie? I mean… I don’t even understand why you’d go that far with it, but hey ho.

She says the supermarket have brushed it off and said that’s it’s just a coincidence.

Right? It is, though. It’s exactly what the word coincidence was designed for. The definition of coincidence may as well say “e.g. when you think it’s your son eating a cottage pie on a Morrison’s poster but it’s just a kid who looks like him”

There’s not really a lot more Morrison’s could have said. I mean, I suppose they could have also said, “Golly, they do look alike.” And then said it was a coincidence. But really there’s not much more to go on.

This is what happens to news in this country when everything else is about the pissing weather.