Bye Geoffrey

ToysRUs is closing down. As is Maplin. I have been to both those stores in the last week or so and even faced with impending closure they’re still quite high with their prices!

We took advantage of a trip to Birstall to have one last look around the stripped bare shelves of ToysRUs. With millions of toys under one roof, as the song used to say. Now the words should be “millions in debt under one roof”. But that’s by the by.

We were lured in by the massive sign in the window – closing down, everything must go, 30% off.

It’s only when you get closer – indeed practically into the shop – that you see the words “up to” in the tiniest print known to man.

I don’t remember seeing anything with 30% off it. I remember seeing a lot of games based around the act of going to the toilet, though. A lot. It’s clearly not the lucrative (or loo-crative) are ToysRUs think it is. It’s not often you see a whole section of a toy shop dedicated to the act of shitting. Whether it’s a game in which you flush a loo and the loser is the person who gets splashback or another where you have to steal loo rolls from a legally distinct from Shrek ogre before he destroys his outhouse with a massive fart, they were all there. All of them. Unpurchased.

And so expensive! Still! No wonder the shop has gone tits up, you almost needed to take out a mortgage to browse the aisles.

It was the same in Maplin. Everything is ludicrously over-priced. Or, you know, crap. A slide converter, for example, which allows you go transfer slides to your iPhone turned out, on closer inspection, to be a glorified light box with a hole in it which lined up with your iPhone camera. To transfer your slide image to your phone you just took a picture of it. I could do that with a torch…

So it’s no wonder they’re all shrivelling up – even with their magic sales on they were still empty. We found nothing we wanted.

Except a giant caterpillar measuring about 8ft long.

£50.

After discount.

Caz found a cleaner one, identical in every way, on ebay for a fiver. She was due to go to Nottingham to collect ut today.

That’s the whole reason it snowed…

… To keep Carole away from something I’m not sure we have a home for!