RIP Privacy Bush

I don’t think I’d really taken the time to consider how the vast amounts of rain and the occasional snowfall would have affected the ground.

Until, you know, I went out this morning to cut down the privacy bush (I know, RIP privacy bush) and start to begin the loooong process of tidying the garden up.

I chose my time wisely, heading out between rainfalls in order to remain as dry as humanly possibly as I sliced through branches in a bush that were as thick as a small person’s arm. I’m not sure bushes should have branches that thick. There’s every chance the bush had gone a little bit wild in its lifetime.

What I didn’t anticipate was the fact that my boots would sink into the garden to such an extent that the mud threatened to suck them off when I moved.

In fact, most of the garden is now all down the path, along the pavement, up next door’s path, round the back of the house and in the shed. And there’s still about three inches worth of mud on the bottom of my boots. It was like the episode of the Good Life when Tom puts his back out and Jerry and Margot have to help with the harvest.

Except with a lot less harvesting and lot more sliding about, all the while fraught with danger because apparently every cat in the neighbourhood has taken to shitting there. So I had that to move as well. There’s nothing more fun that scooping cat poo into a bucket with an insanely long-handled trowel.

It’s like something you’d find on the Generation Game. Most poo in a bucket in a minute wins. Because even though you’re using a long trowel, the bucket is very close to you, which makes it harder to use the trowel. Couple that with the fact your feet occasionally slide out from under you and threatened to pitch you into the bucket and you’ve definitely got a game show format right there.

Oh and you’re hoping you can get it all done before it rains heavily again and fills the bucket up with water…

And when you finish all that off, have churned up the earth and made it all nice and messy your cat goes and walks through it and then strolls around the house, visiting all your furniture…