A Real Gas

We’ve received a couple of letters telling us that it’s time for our annual British Gas boiler service.

I’m fairly sure it’s not, because we started getting these things done in August originally, so something’s gone wrong somewhere along the way, but we’ll just roll with it.

Because we live in the future, you can book your service online. And when you do you’ll have access to two-hour slots so that you can plan your day around your boiler service. Which is very exciting. Because if you ring up you’re only offered three wide-reaching alternatives – morning, afternoon or (everyone’s favourite) all bloody day.

Quickly, hop online and book an appointment no… wait a minute….

Two hour appointments are available online.

It’s basically a massive lie. There’s no such thing as a two hour appointment, is the take home from this. There’s an explanation on the website, which is that the engineers will be mainly saving small children from wells, people from fires and things of that nature and so simply cannot possibly be tied down to a two hour period.

But, by booking online, you have freed up the phone lines. You haven’t troubled them too much. They could probably make a member of call centre staff redundant. You’ve saved them copious amounts of money by falling for the two-hour slot thing. Mwah ha ha ha ha!

The online booking is also an amazing mishmash of dates.

When I logged on this afternoon, I was offered the following:-

Tuesday 8th May

Or the arse end of June.

What the hell is happening between Wednesday and the nubbin of the arse-end of June that has tied up every single bookable slot? And why isn’t the Tuesday included in that? None of it makes any sense.

Clearly I was supposed to lean towards June because Tuesday would be too short notice to have a man poke about in our boiler, tell us it’s not a very good one, then tell us something about the flue being too close to next door (but, sadly, not close enough to gas them) and bugger off. But not before complaining about the way the boiler was installed (which is no shock when you consider this house) and being rude about the positioning of the thermostat which we never use so is waaaay out reach.

So, obviously, I picked Tuesday.

Sometime between 12 and 6.

So, abour 5.55 then, I reckon.