Roll With It

There’s nothing better than when the stars or planets align and you’re just hit with the perfect storm. A combination of unrelated factors coming together to give an outcome that’s a once in a lifetime kind of affair.

It truly is magical.

Trust me.

Cat sick + the world’s cheapest and thinnest kitchen roll = nausea.

When we last did the shop, I ordered some cheap basics kitchen roll. I did this because the windows needed cleaning and kitchen roll is one of the best things – unless you’re one of those weirdos with the newspaper – to push Windowlene around a glazed surface. And I’m not a fool. I’m going to use the cheapest stuff to do it with because then I don’t feel bad if I burn through most of a roll in a couple of windows worth of cleaning.

The windows are clean. We have run out of normal, thick, kitchen roll. We now just have one roll of the cheap stuff left. This stuff is so thin, you could lay it over the pages of a blind person’s braille book and they would still be able to read it perfectly. If this stuff was used for mattresses, the Princess and the Pea would have gone on a lot longer.

It’s terrible stuff.

So obviously that’s the only stuff left when it comes to cleaning up Peppa’s vomit from around the house.

Firstly, how much vomit can one small cat hold? I was quite impressed. It was like a Play Doh fun factory or something, as large snakes of partially digested cat biscuit and grass were ejected onto the carpet.

Secondly, who knew it would retain so much heat? Heat that is clearly felt through the thinness of the kitchen roll.

The last time Peppa was sick, we didn’t actually find it all. I found the last pile of it a day or so later when it had dried out. Luckily for us, it just lifted off the (still relatively new) carpet. I should send that tip to one of those magazines that offers money for household hints and life hacks. I mean, you have to sit around for at least 24 hours with cat sick on the carpet, but it’s a doddle to clean up afterwards.

Obviously, that’s not really the way forward. You can’t sit around and wait for it to dry out. Especially not when it’s in the middle of your front room and also directly where you put a foot at the bottom of the stairs.

And I didn’t dare suggest drying it with a hairdryer… not to mention the fact that the smell of warming, drying partially chewed biscuits would have been disgusting.

Although still possibly preferable to being able to feel everything through the kitchen roll.

It was a close run thing as to whether we’d be cleaning up two different species’ vomit, to be honest.

Definitely didn’t fancy tackling that with the sub-standard kitchen roll…