Hello Lovely Sainsbury’s Peoples

Hello lovely Sainsbury’s peoples,

I’m not quite sure where to start with this one. I don’t want to complain, as such, just raise a few issues and get some money back. It’s not a complaint. Because you guys are only human and mistakes do happen. And being a dick about it doesn’t help anyone.

Our order this morning was lacking a pack of 12 Highland Spring waters (500ml) amounting to 2.50’s worth of water filtered by the rocks of a mountain somewhere in the Highlands. We didn’t realise at the time. It was only as we arrived home from being out, on a hot day, to a message from the water board saying we may have low pressure or no water and I smugly thought “But we have bottled…” that the penny dropped. And rolled. And then fell down a really small crack that you’d never get it out of. You know, one of those situations where you’d say something like “fiddlesticks!”

So there was that.

The other issue with the order was that we did – until we returned them in bewilderment – receive two packs of Sainsbury’s brand Ibuprofen. We had not ordered these, or paid for them. We didn’t even have a headache or anything. We gave them back to the driver of the van.

When I build the narrative for this in my head, someone in Huddersfield has a banging headache and tons of water, and we had no water but loads of painkillers. It makes me smile. It also makes me wonder if something happened in the van like, I don’t know, did the driver roll it at some point this morning and everything just got jumbled up? Maybe there are bad elves. Maybe your shoppers apply the Subway sandwich method to the shopping now – throw everything at the bread and whatever sticks is what you get. It could literally be anything.

Like I say, only human and mistakes are made. I just thought you could pass it on to the store.

Maybe not the bit about the elves.

Normally the store is absolutely spot on. Occasionally a ball is dropped. Sometimes you have to wonder if the person doing the shop knows what the original item is before they substitute it for something that’s not even related. You know, there can be issues. I get that.

Can I have my £2.50 back for the water? I’ll need the money to reimburse myself for the materials I had to buy to make one of those condensation stills in the back garden, like Bear Grylls would make out of stuff he conveniently found on a beach in the middle of nowhere.

By morning I hope to have at least an egg cup full of water.

Yours in thirst,

Jake