World Wide Web

One thing about the ongoing warm weather is that it’s bringing the spiders out in force.

The house is seemingly filled with the big-bodied, spindly-leg little mo’fos, and they don’t seem to be too keen on giving up their occupation.

On a pretty regular basis, at the moment, the tops of all the rooms are getting a seeing to with the best thing we ever won from my gran’s stash of nonsense. It’s a ye olde cobweb brush. I mean, essentially, it’s a small brush head on a massively long stick, but it’s made for reaching to the tall ceilings so beloved of ye olde houses.

Or, in our case, the annoying bit of stairwell that’s impossible to reach.

But the brush is working overtime at the moment. Ceilings are being swept with alarming regularity. But then, it seems, come the morning a memo has gone out to all the spiders saying “make it look like it’s Hallowe’en in this house” and everything is a cobwebbed nightmare.

Today, in the glint of the afternoon sun, it became clear that one of the little sods had run a strand of webbing from the living room ceiling down to the carpet. In an area that I have been walking through for most of the day. I can only imagine the size of the web they were planning on spinning, but I think it’s just as well I did away with it when I did or myself, Carole or Peppa might be caught up in it right now.

I’ve just been in the kitchen and it looks like someone’s installed a haunted house in the corner by the boiler. It didn’t look like that a couple of hours ago. The top of the – open – kitchen window is now home to a web. The window has not even been open that long.

It’s like fighting a losing battle.

Imagine if I was at work full-time and wasn’t here to brush these cobwebs away as I spot them. What sort of world would be living in? One in which the spiders were our overlords, I suspect. One in which we would be tasked with catching flies and flinging them into webs for the spider’s convenience.

It’s making me itchy just thinking about it.

At least, I think that’s why I’m itching…

Pass me the brush.