Happy Non-iversary One Direction

I see, today, that One Direction are celebrating eight years as a group. Despite the fact they stopped being a group three years ago.

It’s like one of those Facebook posts you’ll see that say “Happy Birthday Nan!” and then go on to say that had she not died she would have been 120 today.

I used to like that aspect of things at work. When we used to congratulate people of x number of years, but for most of that time they’d only worked two days of the week. So, actually, when a number of years had passed (and there was no denying that) celebrating that same number of years of work was not, strictly speaking, correct.

Well done on being employed for 30 years but only actually doing five years worth of work. Have a card and some flowers.

And yet someone who had worked five days a week for thirty years would receive exactly the same recognition. And, probably, the exact same card. Things are cheaper if you buy in bulk.

But it’s not just One Direction or attention-seeking Facebook friends who do this. The BBC used to do it, every year, with The Two Ronnies. Each year we’d be treated to a series made up of clips from the show’s history, interspersed with episodes of whatever “serial” was part of the run. So, The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town, for example (always worth a watch, and – fact fans – David Jason provided the raspberry) or The Worm That Turned (crapper than crap and playing solely off the blokes in dresses joke).

And each year the series shown would be “X years of The Two Ronnies” where X was a number 1 higher than the previous year. It used to drive my dad bananas. Every time it was on he’d begin a rant about how it’s not actually that many years of The Two Ronnies because they stopped several years ago (plus one as each year rolled around).

I’m just glad he’s not around for One Direction’s celebration of their eight years as a five-year long group.

But I’m also glad I’m here to be annoyed on his behalf.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be vigorously explaining to anyone who’ll listen, how wrong the whole thing is…