The Sun Has Got His Hat On

But why? The sun doesn’t need a hat. Or sunglasses. It’s the sun. It’s the source of the heat and light. Neither of those things would help it… anyway.

It’s still hot.

And I still like to complain that it’s too hot. But I’m coming to terms with it. It’s no longer the annoyance it once was. I mean, the electricity bill will be fricking sky high from running fans for most of the day, but other than that I’m learning to live with it. Let’s embrace the insane levels of sweat, constant thirst and dead plants I say.

The Met Office has issued a warning this week about the rising temperatures. A key temperature was hit two days in a row which triggers an amber warning which advises that you stay out of the sun during the hottest hours of the day – 11am to 3pm – and you stay hydrated, walk in the shade where possible and wear sunscreen and a hat.

It’s all simple, common sense stuff.

But it’s angered people.

Head of tourist boards are unhappy with this advice because they might miss out on some revenue. Especially because they have, undoubtedly, upped the price of drinks, ice creams and whatever else so they can capitalise on the heat wave and milk dry all the people flocking to beaches left, right and centre.

The thing is, in countries like Spain the people there bugger off inside between 11 and 3. They’re not fricking idiots. They know it gets hot, so they pop inside and have a nap or just chill out watching the Spanish version of Doctors (El Doctors, I imagine) and then come back out when it’s cooled off a bit.

But we can’t be doing that. We are British. We don’t see sun. We should be out in all heats, UV levels, sun intensities and whatever else. We should make the most of it, is what one person has said. I mean, it’s been going on for ages now. Everything is dead. We’ve more than made the most of it. We’re about two feet from a hose pipe ban (even closer if our neighbour keeps washing her patio every other day with enough water to float the Titanic). We’ve more than made the most of it.

I’d like to follow the advice and not die just for the sake of a heatwave and a bit of a tan. Bollocks to that.

What makes the “just enjoy it” stance even less palatable is that Jacob Rees-Mogg is one of the voices championing this. The human version of Walter from the Dennis The Menace comic strip, a man so pale that even a vampire would be like “you alright mate?” is telling me I should be out in the sun regardless of the fact that it is doing me harm.

Fricking arse.

Not that it’s actually sunny here at the moment (because I’m writing this at night, haha) but we’re currently enjoying the cloud heatwave. Which, in many ways, is worse. Because there’s no sun so you think it won’t be that warm. And then it is. And you step outside and, while your feet aren’t burning on the patio, your underboobs are sweating within seconds.

So yeah, it’s still warm. I still like to complain about it.

But I’ll be doing most of my complaining from inside between 11 and 3.

So screw you, tourism people.