Water, Water Everywhere

The rains are coming. The rains are coming!

I mean, not here. The rains are not coming here yet. If anything the rains are getting further away, judging from the weather app on the iPhone. It’s been slowly moving back that rain, and lowering its percentage, for most of the day.

But for other people the rain is coming. And it’s being greeted with happiness and joy.

And health warnings.

Because, obviously, we’ve all forgotten how rain works in the past few weeks and everyone is going to lose their shit in the rain and the COULD DIE.

You can drown in a teaspoon-full of water, some smart arse will tell you. Because there’s always one. And you can. But it is unlikely. Likewise, it’s unlikely that the arrival of rain will see people dropping like flies because they’ve forgotten how it works.

I don’t think anyone is standing outside as the rains come, just holding one to one end of a live electric cable while the other lies, safely, on the dry ground. Ohmigod, if a puddle forms the consequences could be horrific.

I guess we can’t win either way. If it’s hot we’re told to stay inside, but if we go outside we should remember not to dive into water when we don’t know what the bottom is like, or how deep it is or if it’s even water and not just a heat-induced hallucination. And then if it rains, we should be careful because now there’s an abundance of water. And water can kill.

At the very least, turn all your teaspoons so the bowl is pointing down. That way they can’t fill up with water and you’ve already reduced your chances of drowning quite considerably.

Obviously, let’s get this out there, someone is bound to be struck by lightning. There’s also undoubtedly going to be a fire in someone’s roof brought about, again, by lightning. That’s going to happen. It has to. It’s practically the law – like with strong winds and the inevitable tree branch death

. It’s why we don’t seem to have as many thunderstorms as we did when I was a kid – the numbers have been reduced because of health and safety. I blame the EU. Bastards.

The sooner Brexit comes in and we can be struck by lightning as much as we want, the better…