I think we’re haunted. It’s the only real explanation for where we find ourselves.

We went up to Edinburgh a week ago. We arrived back on Friday. Before we left we tidied the house up, did all the cleaning, all the washing. Everything, basically.

While we were away my mum was here. She cleaned everything we’d already cleaned and things we hadn’t thought of. Despite telling her we’d already done it, I think she stripped our bed off and washed everything – the duvet has a characteristic this-is-what-mum-does-now feel to it. She’s cleaned and ironed. She’s done more washing, despite us doing it all and her being the only person in the house.

So, aside from the cutlery drawer which is just carnage, mum kept our house clean as a whistle while we were off.

We came back late on Friday and more-or-less went straight to bed. On Saturday I was at work and Carole was out with my mum for a decent portion of the day. On Sunday we were out almost all the day in Derby.

We’ve barely been here.

So who has messed the house up??

It can’t be us.

So it must be a poltergeist. It’s the only logical explanation.

I feel like I should set up cameras to maybe catch the spirit in action, messing stuff up. I mean, do poltergeists like leaving recycling around the place? Will poltergeists leave half-drunk bottles of water everywhere? Or generate stacks if ironing. Or more washing up than two people could possibly generate?

It sounds plausible to me…