Justify

I’m cross with myself today.

While I was on the door at work, waiting for my team to arrive, I was spotted by someone I used to work with when I was at RBS. He left a while ago to pursue a career with another bank, while I had stayed on at RBS until the bitter (joyous) end.

He strolled over to say hello and was asking what Stuck In The Riddle was, and if it was what I was doing for work now. I replied very much in the affirmative because, I’ll be honest, I bloody love this job. I mean, it’s been a long day today – when you’re getting to work and roads are stilled cordoned off by the police because of fights in the early hours and you’re leaving when it sounds like other fights might be kicking off, it can seem a bit of a long day. But I bloody love it.

But I got cross with myself because I felt really defensive about my choice of job. And then I started kicking myself for that – what was it that made me feel like I had to justify where I worked? I guess I feel like it’s perceived as a massive step down from the world-shattering work that I was previously part of. After all, it’s unlikely that an escape room is going to cripple the world’s economic markets. So it is, in a way.

But equally, why shouldn’t I be doing something – for the first time in 20+ years of working – that I actually want to do. I’ve gone from a job where I used to clock watch like bugger to a job where I actually do watch clocks tick down, but without actually clock watching. I’ve gone from a job that impacted on my mental well-being to a job that doesn’t. I’ve gone from misery to happiness today… uh huh uh huh, as the song goes.

And yet I really felt like I was expected to provide supporting evidence for my choice. It was weird.

As it happened, my lovely team arrived and saved me from myself just as I was probably about to start on the old “it won’t make me rich, but it makes me happy…” speech. Or some other ridiculous argument for why I should be allowed to work where I work. Even though that wasn’t the issue at all and it was just a general question about how and what I was up to.

Pfft.

Sometimes I don’t like the way my brain works. And then I don’t like the fact that my brains doesn’t like the way my brain works and makes me think about it far more than I should do.

It’s been a long day…