Hello denizens of the Sainsbury’s Customer Service Team
I hope this email finds you well on this Monday, well probably at least Tuesday when you read this.
I got my shopping delivered on Saturday – order no 230054368 for those of you who like to know such things – and it was all there with no substitutions or the random things that your shoppers think are substitutions for the actual items ordered. Which is brilliant. I can’t tell you what joy it brings receiving an email to tell me everything I’ve ordered is in stock. It makes my heart sing.
And you know what else makes my heart sing at the moment? Lego Cards. I chuffing love them. I mean my fictional children bloody love them. They like nothing more than putting the cards in the album that they haven’t bought yet. They were so thrilled, my fictional children who I have made up to make me sound less like a nerd, when there was a second series of these cards because they fought tooth and nail and talked to strangers in order to get the full set of the last lot.
And they looked forward to collecting this series as well. It’s stuff like this that makes fictional children happy, I can tell you.
So my shop was about £90 on Saturday. It was carefully planned to just tick over the round number mark to maximise the number of cards I – I mean, erm, the kids – could get. I even ordered two bunches of flowers for the house which even now my girlfriend thinks was a romantic gesture but was actually a clever ploy to add another tenner – and therefore another pack of cards – to the shop.
I wasn’t in when the shop was delivered. My girlfriend took it in. She was as delighted as I that everything was in stock. She just dropped the ball on one thing – she didn’t ask about the cards. I would have been lying in front of the delivery van, refusing to let him leave until the cards were handed over, but she obviously doesn’t care about the happiness of our fictional children as much as me.
Basically, what I am saying is… I didn’t get 9 packs of cards. I am down 36 Lego cards. I’ve already lost a pack of four to an incident in which they were in my bag and a bottle of water emptied itself onto them returning them almost to the wood pulp from which they were made.
How can I – I mean the fictional kids – get these packs we are missing? Can you post them out to us? I mean, I feel that would be the right thing for you to do. Then the kids will have something to look forward to every day when they get home from the fictional school that they go to (it was very hard to get into, but luckily we live just inside the fictional catchment area).
Just nine packs, that’s all I ask. 36 cards. Not all the same. Because the kids would hate that.