Russian Guide To Salisbury

I’m not saying those two completely innocent Russians are absolutely full of shit but…

I am, though, aren’t I? Like pretty much anyone else who is awake. Their story, that they visited Salisbury for one day because they wanted to see [insert Wikipedia entry here] is just phenomenally bad. The cathedral with the [Wikipedia listed height] spire. Which is famous throughout Europe. And the World. They think.

Which is what he actually said. “Famous throughout Europe. And the World. I think.” That there is someone going off-script and hastily back-tracking. Quickly, someone ask him how many steps it is to the top of somewhere. He’ll be shit-hot on that.

I’ve been to Salisbury.

I live in this country and I have been to Salisbury once. I had several hours in Salisbury, in fact. I saw the Cathedral, from a distance. But because the spire is however tall the Russian man had said it was after reading it on Wikipedia it still looked quite impressive. Other than that I saw the train station and bus station (didn’t rate it much). Oh, and a coffee shop. Where I waited several hours for a bus from the aforementioned bus station. To Fordingbridge. Where I got off way too early because I panicked about missing my stop and had to walk for miles.

That’s Salisbury for me. In a nutshell.

I’m not sure, famous spires or not, I’d want to go again. And certainly not on a day-trip from Russia. Sometimes I feel a bit short-changed if we drive to, say, Bridlington and leave before 5pm because it doesn’t feel like we’ve put in a decent day. But Russia – Salisbury – Russia doesn’t leave a lot of time to really appreciate the amazing height of the spire.

It’s sort of a shame, in a way, that the poisonings (which coincidentally took place at the same time as the spire-viewing) were even in Salisbury. Because there’s a massive, massive part of me that wants to know what the Russian day-trip community would make of other parts of the UK. I mean, most people who have read it love Bill Bryson’s Notes From A Small Country, with its sideways look at British life and culture. Those two Russian guys could cobble something similar together.

It would be amazing.

Then any future poisonings can be passed off as research.

It’s a money-spinner and an alibi all in one. What’s not to like about that?