The dentist is a funny thing – mine is, certainly.

Gone is the friendly face of a local dentist. Instead it’s a huge faceless company trying to pull off being a friendly local dentist and it doesn’t quite work. Everything is efficient. You’re in, you’re seen, you’re out. And now you pay first, because reasons. I mean, why wouldn’t you pay before anything is even done?

I don’t like it. I’d never say that going to the dentist has been my top favourite thing. But I used to like it because it didn’t feel as impersonal as it seems to be now. You’re not a person, you’re just some money with teeth. That’s how it kind of feels.

They also – as part of their amazing service – send you one (that’s just one) email when you need to make an appointment. If you miss that email because, say it arrives when you’re in the midst of sorting out all the shit from your Grandma’s estate you don’t get a chaser at any point. You just stumble across the email during a cleaning sweep of your inbox or because you specifically search for it because you surely should have gone to the dentist by now.

When you actually make an appointment, though, there are reminders out of the bloody wazoo. Emails reminding you to turn up. Texts a week in advance, then a few days in advance, then the day before. They stop short at texting to ask if you’re on your way in the time before they appointment, sure, but otherwise they’re very eager for you to turn up. And to bring your wallet so you can pay before you even see anyone because, again, reasons.

And when you attend your appointment they make thinly veiled references to the fact that you have been longer than your allotted six months between appointments without directly coming out and asking why.

Passive-aggressive dentistry.

Maybe that’s what I’m paying for.

Give us the cash upfront for guaranteed sass.