You Won’t Believe What He Did Next!

“Nine Healing Crystals And What They Do To Your Body” is, I think, my favourite bit of clickbait page naming since “Why Are These Hollywood Actresses So Short?”

I don’t click on them because why would I? But I do love to see them come up at the bottom of actual articles. One of the ones I particularly enjoy is “Remember [insert name here]? Try not to smile when you see them now.”

The healing crystals one, though, caught my attention because it seemed out of place in the sea of bullshittery that particulr corner of the interwebs had going on. That’s not to say I hold any sway with crystals – I’m definitely on the bullshit side of the fence with them – but they were an odd fit amongst aging celebrities that look different to when they were young or the countless different hearing aids that people of [your area] swear by.

I sort of hope that each of the crystals pages had “It does nothing” written across it. But, alas, I know it will have been full of flowery bollocks about how if you balance some gravel on your belly-button you’ll never fart again and your poos will be shaped like unicorns.

As for the short celebrities, I’m not sure the reason for why will ever really have been addressed. Unless each page just said “genetics” on it, in which case fair play. I suspect more it would be “Oh but their diminutive stature doesn’t diminish their ability to star along side [insert tall actor]. Maybe they’re actually tall, but further away.

I’ll never know.