Spider? I Barely Know Her

There is, currently, a gigantic spider’s web in our front garden.

Although, given the size of it, it’s probably more correct to say that our front garden is currently in a gigantic spider’s web.

Judging from the size of the spider residing within said web, it’s been incredibly effective since it was spun into place sometime last week. The spider is considerably larger than it was on day one of the web erection, so it’s clearly in a prime spot for all sorts of fly-based morsels.

It’s the largest web I’ve seen. In terms of the actual web part, it’s probably about average. But in terms of the foundations, it’s absolutely huge. One of the tethers for the web covers about four feet before the web even begins. It’s attached to the rose bush on the opposite side of the garden to where the web is. It’s pretty bloody impressive.

I really can’t tell stress how large this web – and its occupant – is. It’s the sort of size that, let’s put it this way, if a couple of hobbits came along on a quest I wouldn’t be overly surprised. Or a boy wizard and his ginger mate. Either way, they wouldn’t be out of place popping in to see this spider.

Today I had to mow the lawn. The final mow of the year. I thought it was best to get it in today when the sun is shining before the weekend’s scheduled downpour and associated flood warnings.

I have never mown a lawn so carefully in my life.

It was like dodging a laser grid in a high security vault. I was constantly checking to see where all the anchor points were for the web as it felt cruel to take it down through an act of careless vandalism. This was not a spider’s web annoying built across a doorway just waiting for you to walk into it. This is a finely crafted prey-catcher placed out of the way and it should be allowed to thrive.

I also, to be honest, wasn’t sure what would happen if I got caught up in the web. I don’t think humans and flymos are part of a spider’s normal diet but I think I can live without finding out.

There’s nothing more humiliating than being webbed up in your own front garden. I imagine.

It’s still there now. It’s not showing any signs of wear and tear.

I don’t know the lifespan of the average spider. Okay, I do now because I just Googled it. It could be up to three years. Depending on whether the spider can find somewhere to hide to protect itself from extreme changes in temperatures.

We’ve probably lost the use of the front garden until around 2020-2021.