New Look

We’re getting a new-look, improved Sainsbury’s at the top of Huddersfield. It’s very exciting, because that is my go-to Sainsbo’s for bits and bobs, whereas the larger one at the bottom of town is the one our home delivery comes from. Which means the top one is the place to go to get all the stuff that the bottom one doesn’t have – because, I mean, that makes total sense. Right?

Like when we ordered new pots and pans and they didn’t have them in the larger store, so I got them in the little one.

Obviously.

As far as I can tell, the new look that Sainsbury’s is going for is exactly the same as the old look but they’ve changed the aisle numbers and put large header-boards – for want of a better word – above the fridges so you can tell whether you’re heading for, say, chicken from a much greater distance.

Oh and they’ve taken out the customer service desk and moved that to a checkout which is no longer functioning as a checkout. I have no idea how that is better. But it obviously is, because someone in a suit will have thought about it for a while.

Other than that, not a sausage has changed. Well, actually, there are some new sausages. So that’s not factually correct. But you know what I mean. There is still a broken or missing tile in the meats and cheeses aisle which is covered in “danger” tape, for example. Just fix that. Everyone would be really impressed by that.

There’s also some new dividers to help you see the different sections. No longer can you get confused as to whether you’re looking at milk or things that can replace milk but have not come from an udder. I mean, I don’t know about you, but getting home to find I’ve bought milk that someone has painstaking squeezed from a nut instead of from a cow’s teat really puts a downer on my day. But not anymore… not anymore.

I’d just like it if they moved the bench away from the exit. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to leave the store and there’s a sea of weary pensioners with trolleys full of cat food and gin parked up on the benches blocking the way. Just shift that a bit over towards the security kiosk. That’d be better.

And maybe play some rock and roll music or something near the doorway, sort of like the opposite of a shopping centre with its classical music to disperse the youth. A bit of evil rock and roll to move on the elderly. That’s what’s needed.

Stop them having conversations in the entrances and resting in the exits.

Maybe put in a ball pool for them, something like that. Where than can all get together and run down the list of who you won’t believe has just died. Or exchanging clippings from the Daily Mail. Or whatever it is the elderly do with such fierce passion in any open doorway.