Optimal Prime

Another day, and we’ve still got a plethora of noodle soups and some energy drinks sitting in the front room. I think we should just about start accepting that they are ours now and no-one wants them back in any way, shape or form. I can’t wait for a day when I’m feeling run down to just crack those cans open and be so hopped up on caffeine and sugar that I physically vibrate. Happy days.

I chanced an Amazon delivery today as well – not from Prime Now, just from the website – and disappointingly I only received what I ordered. Not that I was expecting anything else – our house isn’t big enough to cope with extra unordered items every time – but they have set a precedence now.

Carole asked if I’d tried to give them the bag of stuff back when they arrived. I did consider it. But then what? If anyone ever does get in touch and want this stuff back I’m not sure they’d appreciate a vague answer that I gave it to two foreign gentleman in a van.

Because I got a trainee delivery guy today. A man who was, I think, terrified. I think that’s a fair assessment. Definitely nervous. But more edging into full on fear.

I opened the door and he practically threw the box at me, shouting “Amazon delivery!” and turning to leave.

Before sheepishly having to return to the door because he’d not scanned the parcel with his phone scanner thingummy-guffin to say that it had been delivered. And even after that I was expecting a further knock on the door and to find him, hovering, because he needed a signature or his scanner hadn’t worked or something. Or he’d given me the wrong box and I was about to open a birthday cake and a copy of Call of Duty. But stuff like that doesn’t happen, obviously.

Obviously he’ll just be doing that job for a short while, anyway. Because one Brexit kicks in, Amazon Prime deliveries go right out of the window as everyone who currently delivers them is driven from the country by angry mobs with pitchforks and flaming torches.

And then someone will complain that something they ordered days ago hasn’t been delivered yet, and they’ll realise what they’ve done and be sad.