Rule Breaker Head Acher

I’m having a Trump-free year, as I have mentioned before. It’s quite tricky, though, when he is such a vile human being and everything he does is just awful, to avoid all the news about him and his backwards-thinking, pussy-grabbing, bollock-spouting idiocy. Especially because Carole is not having a Trump-free year and occasionally tries to derail mine by telling me things he has done.

I’m thinking, though, that I need to extend the scope of my -free year, slightly. I can remain Trump-free. But I also need to be “did-they-break-royal-protocol”-free as well because I can honestly say it’s getting on my tits now.

This only applys to Meghan, I’ve noticed. But everything she does, thinks, might do, does in a parallel universe, or doesn’t do is, in some way, possibly maybe breaking Royal protocol. Sometimes she’s worn something that she shouldn’t. Other times she’s done something she shouldn’t. At the moment, the internet is asking if she’s broken cultural protocol in Fiji by doing something.

I haven’t read what. Because I don’t want to. I don’t care.

The other night I watched Meghan get arrested for murder on an old episode of Castle. I can’t imagine that fits in with Royal protocol but it hasn’t, as yet, been called into question.

The thing is Royal protocol – whatever the chuff that is – is changing anyway. It has to. The Royal Family is a young person’s game these days. Royal Protocol in the stick-up-the-arse way people think of it is something that died out with the Queen Mother. She wouldn’t have stood by and watched the Queen and Prince Harry do skits for the Invictus Games.

I mean, just look at Harry greeting that lady in Australia – the one he sees every time. He’s in the crowd, hugging her, chatting to her. That’s not Royal Protocol as was. You couldn’t get within a gazillion feet of a Royal in the olden days. Maybe a handshake and a bunch of flowers at arm’s length, like you’re lighting a firework.

But every single bloody day the question is asked about whether a protocol has been broken.

I have a feeling, in the next few years, that the protocols are going to be stamped on repeatedly until they are nothing but dust.

But I won’t know. Because they’re on my list. They’re something to be widely avoided. I don’t care if Meghan runs down the street calling the Queen a silly old cow. Just assume that, given that they are the Royals, they have someone on hand to guide their actions with regards to protocol. We probably don’t need to be asking whether it’s been broken every three seconds. I mean, geez, Mike Tindell through that dwarf around in a bar that one time. That’s probably not protocol.

But yeah, it’s on the list. Like my own personal room 101. Royal rule breaking and that straw-haired, orange cockwomble. They shall trouble me no more for the rest of 2018.

And, hopefully, beyond.