I’ve lowered myself about as far as I’m willing to go today.

I’ve been in Poundland.

And I bought things.

I still feel dirty.

I was in there having a look at the Halloween tat, so that I could jazz things up a little at work. Unfortunately, it’s back-fired a bit because some of the stuff I’ve got can live in the rooms all year round – what medieval dungeon doesn’t need the skeleton of a bird in a cage, eh? Exactly.

It was like a bloody mad house in there (Poundland, not work).

I didn’t realise there were people who seem to do large amounts of shopping in Poundland. I thought it was somewhere you went when you want something so naff that only a single golden coin of the realm will purchase it for you. I didn’t realise Poundland was somewhere you consider buying day-to-day items in. But hey, you live and learn.

People were going crazy for the most god-awful things. One woman was being encouraged, by her other half I assume, to put back the many, many pairs of “horror” tights she’d picked up, and a number of outfits that she had no hope of fitting into.

And some of the stuff is just terrible. Terrible and ridiculous.

Why would I want a ghost made of tinsel, for starters. Or orange cobwebs. Or green ones. Although I did buy those, but more out of curiosity as to how the work and, failing anything else, I can spam them all over the stairs.

Or why would I want an evil hairy ra… no, never mind. I bought that. The most badly made bit of stuff I have ever seen in my life. An evil hairy rat, with a wonky face, badly glued in teeth and feet that look like they’ve been made by cutting the business ends off of the free forks you get in M&S.

Having said that, it must be doing something right because this afternoon’s game – after the addition of said evil rat – saw one member of the team see the rat, be repulsed by the rat and then punch it.

Hopefully not too hard, as I’m not sure its teeth can take too much abuse.