I made it all the way to the dentist’s today.


I still haven’t had a filling, though.

Because, it turns out, when the receptionist told me I needed a filling what she should have actually said was “Hey Jake, so you’re going to need to have another extraction alongside the one that we told you we’d refer you to the hospital for…”

So basically, I went in today expecting a filling. I was bouncy and happy – or as happy as can be – and just thrilled to have made it this far. I got into the chair (eventually – there was a moment when I thought everything would be cancelled as none of the chair’s features, including things attached to the chair, were working) and my dentist – who is a lovely woman, in all honesty – started off by saying “So we’ve got you in because we took an x-ray last time…”

And I was still thinking it was a filling.

“… and the x-ray showed a cavity…” Still a filling. “… it’s below the existing filling…” Still a filling but a lot less fun. “… and it extends below the gum line so…” Still a filling, right? Right? It must be. Still a filling. “…. so there’s not really a lot we can do to save it because it won’t be a complete seal and you’ll be prone to infection. So we’ve got you in to discuss doing an extraction with you. For that tooth and the other one. Today. Now.”

So, not a filling then.

I last had an extraction back in the days when dentists were allowed to knock you out properly – before it was ruined by either people dying under the anaesthetic or gropy-handed dentists having a good old fondle while you were under the influence. So it’s been a while.

“Things have changed…” she said to me.

Oh yeah, things have changed. Now I get to be awake and feel all the pulling. What a happy change that is. No-one alive in this world wants to hear the words “Can you get me the forceps…” Forceps do not have happy connotations like, erm, puppies or kittens.

Actually, in all honesty, it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t my favourite thing. And it aches to buggery now, like someone’s gone at my teeth with pliers or something. In fact, it hurts more now than it ever did when I had a broken tooth or gaping cavity.

But it wasn’t bad. I don’t want to do it again, mind. But that was just these two teeth working together to thwart me because they’ve always enjoyed trapping food between them and it just got the better of me at some point and now I have a huge, weird-feeling gap in my mouth.

But hey ho.

On the plus side, I’m not a big bleeder apparently. So I’ll be adding that to my CV when I get the chance.