Today has conspired against me in almost every way.

I’ve spent a good portion of the day looking in almost everything I can think of for a Christmas bauble which mum brought us back from Krakow in the summer. It’s clear it has been put somewhere very, very safe as I have no idea where the chuff it is. But we need to find it because there’s going to be nothing worse than watching her standing by the tree on Christmas Day, or whenever, looking for it. And not finding it. Because we can’t find it.

There’s a part of me that believes that she still has it and that I said for her to hang onto it until Christmas and to bring it with her to hang on the tree when she gets here. But I might have entirely dreamt that. In which case I really need to up the narrative of my dreams.

I’ve also re-grouted a spot in the bathroom where the existing grout had been coming loose for some time. Which is, of course, a surprise given how smoothly the entire fitting of the bathroom went. Last week, when it was really gusty wind, I believe that something occurred which caused the grout to leave the wall. I don’t know what. It’s the best explanation I have for it just flying out. Other than ghosts, of course.

My grouting, even if I do say so myself, is considerably better than the stuff that’s everywhere else. And I was tempted to pull more of it but then it becomes a case of where do you stop? And before you know it you’ve grouted an entire bathroom when all you wanted to do was fix one small bit.

But while the grouting went smoothly, not everything related to it did.

The tube of grout I used slipped from where I had put it as I was working on the wall.

It fell almost directly onto the toilet brush holder.

Which fell over.

And spilled that horrible water that lurks at the bottom of toilet brush holders all over the mat in front of the toilet.

I mean, come on Universe. Cut me a bit of slack. We have an entirely tiled floor and you knock things onto the only bit of fabric. Bastards.

So then I needed to wash that. But the washer wasn’t finished, but I was really worried about the water staining the mat, or bleaching it presuming there is bleach residue in that water. And then I worried about it just being fricking disgusting. And then the washer still hadn’t finished.

And then the washer did finish. But I needed to go out. So I left late.

And then several people had arguments with the bus driver about bus tickets, the price of bus tickets and the fact that their sixteen year old child shouldn’t have to carry her half fare pass with her all the time because it’s obvious she’s sixteen. Or something.

And then the same mother complained to her friend that Christmas was expensive because she had four kids.

And I just wanted to shout, “You should have kept your bloody legs shut then shouldn’t you!”

But I didn’t.

And all the time one of her children was kicking the back of my bus seat.

And I never did find that bauble.