Accidental Sex Sheep

I know that online shopping can be tricky.

There are numerous click-bait websites offering slideshows of hilarious online shopping fails where people have purchased doll house furniture thinking it’s the real thing at a low, low price. Even Sara Pascoe has been on Would I Lie To You? with a tiny chest of drawers that she bought thinking it was a full size one. And those who follow her on Instagram will know she also recently bought a tiny rucksack by accident as well.

Carole once bought the smallest bag of frozen peas available to humankind. A guy I used to work with ordered bananas which would have still looked small if you viewed them through a magnifying lens. Shit like that happens, is what I’m saying.

But I don’t know how you can buy an inflatable sex sheep and not know you’ve bought an inflatable sex sheep. Especially when you send your son to school with it. Inflated.

There are so many stages that this inflatable sex sheep purchase must have gone through. Including, but not limited to:

  • The browsing for an inflatable sheep
  • The purchase of an inflatable sheep, including confirming the order. For an inflatable sheep which, in the product description included the phrase “back door fun”.
  • The opening of an inflatable sheep.
  • The looking at the inflatable sheep and wondering why it has a sexy hat on.
  • Inflating the inflatable sheep and not noticing it had a gaping bumhole.

There’s just too many steps in this entire process to lead me to believe that the sex sheep purchasing mother didn’t know what she was doing.

I mean, the cynic in me says that it almost sounds like something someone’s done to get a bit of attention. I mean, you don’t just buy a sex sheep.

Also, if she was all that bothered about the whole thing – as mortified as she claims to be – surely she wouldn’t be allowing the media to be filled with pictures of her son in the Shepherd’s costume she bought online (which came with the sheep, apparently) clutching the sex sheep.

She’s also a fool because she could have got a perfectly good shepherd’s outfit from Sainsbury’s online for £12 and she paid way more than that for a red dressing gown and a tea towel. And associated sex sheep.

If the story is to be believed.

Which it bloody isn’t, is it?