Jan 12, 2019: Birdbrain


I’ve not seen it.

I know it’s a film on Netflix, based on a book on paper, and it’s got Sandra Bullock in it. And everyone has to wear a blindfold or they will die.

And everyone’s banging on about it.

It’s the new Fortnite.

It gets mentioned at work a lot. We blindfold people as we take them into the room. It’s no secret, as they’re on full display when you enter the building, but people are still caught off guard by it. And always ask if they have to keep them on for the full hour. Which they don’t.

But then. Birdbox.

So everyone now references Birdbox as you hand them the blindfolds. “It’s just like Birdbox,” they say. Because up until this film there had been no frame of reference for blindfolds in any way, shape or form. And then they ask if they have to keep them on for the full hour.

That’s one thing.

But then there are people doing the Birdbox challenge to see if they could do things blindfolded.

You know what? No. No they can’t.

Surprisingly, driving a car while blindfolded didn’t end so well.

I mean, for frick’s sake.

If you could drive a car without being able to see, then cars would have a little bucket seat on the front for guide dogs to sit in and bark appropriate sounds regarding traffic and the blind would have been doing it long before Sandra Bullock put on a blindfold for filmic purposes.

Why do we have to have “challenges” based on aspects of popular culture?

The Internet has a lot to answer for. It’s both the greatest thing we have going and a collective dumping ground for all of nature’s idiots. Everyone wants to be a YouTuber and the best way to do it is to jump on a bandwagon and flog that horse until it’s long dead.

Which is where Birdbox fits in. One person does it, to see what it would be like. And then another, and then it’s a challenge. Going around not being able to see because hits. But in the next breath the same people doing that are complaining hand over fist that Bryan Cranston shouldn’t be playing a disabled man in that film because he’s not disabled really.

And you shouldn’t be going round in blindfolds because you won’t die if you don’t.

If anything, you’re more likely to die if you do.