Jan 17, 2019: Knock

This week, more than any other week, I think I have discovered that you can’t hear people knocking on the front door if you’re in the kitchen with either the radio, or some sort of streaming media, playing.

And both of those occasions have involved Carole.

So I’m probably in the dog house for that.

I locked her out of the house the other night, which I don’t normally do. The front door was locked and my keys were in the door which meant her keys couldn’t be. I usually unlock the door before she gets home from work, if I’ve not had cause to do so already, to try and pretend that I’ve had an exciting and diverse day at home (if I’m not working) rather than just a day of cooking, TV, computers and videogames.

I don’t know what the unlocked door suggests may have happened. But I still do it.

Ironically, the day I locked her out I had been out to the post office to send my mum’s parcel to my sister so the door should have been unlocked anyway but clearly I’m thinking it’s better to be safe than sorry!

And then today I was in the kitchen again, washing up, when a parcel for Carole was delivered. Or, rather, not delivered.

I came out of the kitchen to find a “could not deliver” card and was immediately upset because I had been expecting a package from Amazon and thought it was that I had missed. You can imagine how happy I was when I learnt that it wasn’t my stuff that went undelivered.

This does, however, also raise the point that if you’re in the kitchen you probably couldn’t hear if anyone just let themselves into the house either.

So maybe the door should stay locked and lead to more incidents of Carole stuck outside in the cold/rain/snow/wind or whatever. Rather than, you know, strangers meandering in and stealing all our stuff while I’m watching an Outside Xtra video and can’t hear anything over the sound of Ellen’s constant laughter.

I remember one time coming home from Leeds and Carole was absolutely convinced I was already home because she’d heard the door go (she was in the kitchen at the time) so, yeah… I’m much more of a chicken than Carole is so…

Maybe we should get one of those video doorbells which, according to the adverts, will allow me to shoo people away from the comfort of a supermarket. I’d love to be woken at random intervals during the night because it’s detected the movement of a cat. Or another cat. Or a car driving past. Or some cats stacked on each other’s shoulders wearing a moustache and a trench coat. Whereas it probably wouldn’t detect a postman as the adverts for the doorbells very rarely show anyone genuine arriving at your door.