Jan 20, 2019: Sandwich

I’ve been together with Carole for over ten years, and in that time I have come to know, love and not at all be irritated with any and all of her foibles. And in the same time she has come to know, love and not at all be irritated by all of my foibles.

One of my favourite things about Carole is anything that falls under the category of food.

She won’t eat anything out of date. Which is why one of my fondest memories is of not long after we started dating and we went to my parents for tea. My dad cooked a lovely meal and the dessert was a chocolate sponge, which was delicious. Carole was happily munching her way through it before my dad let it be known that it had been made with a whole heap of out-of-date Flyte bars from the vending machine at his work (for which he was responsible). The look on her face, and the internal conflict about whether to spit the sponge out in front of my parents will stay with me forever.

She always leaves one bite of something. Doesn’t matter what it is, or how big or little it is, she will always become “full” precisely one bite from the end of it.

She will often, while eating or concocting something to eat, ask “is it weird if…” The answer is always yes. Always. She made herself a ham and marmalade sandwich for work once. That turned out exactly as you would expect. Unless you expected it to be nice in which case you’re an idiot.

One of the weird things she does have, and does like, is an omelette with apple sauce on the side. Because what goes together better than eggs and apples, eh? Other than, you know, literally anything else.

But she crossed a line this morning and I don’t know what to do.

“I’ve just had,” she said, excitedly, “the best breakfast ever. Something I haven’t had for ages…”

I was intrigued. What could it be? What gastronomic delight had she cobbled together from our various shelves and cupboards. I knew it involved toast. Or I was having a stroke. But after that, I couldn’t think what it could be.

“A marmite and treacle sandwich! Haven’t had one in ages.”

I mean…

What. The. Frick?!?