Jan 29, 2019: Chickpea

When the chickpea was designated a foodstuff was everyone in agreement? I mean, was there a group of people and one person liked it and really went to town on how nice it was, and then the others just sort of went along with it. Like the Emperor’s New Clothes. But with a legume.

Because here’s the thing. They’re bloody awful.

Hummus is nice, as long as it’s got something in it to mask the taste of the chickpea. Otherwise it’s awful. Who, honestly, eats naturally flavoured hummus. No-one. It needs roast peppers, or a shit-ton of garlic.

We’ve been dabbling in chickpea-based things recently. As a sort of ploy to introduce more nutrients into our lives, or something.

So, we’ve tried chickpea pasta.

That was awful. Absolutely awful. “Oh,” you think, “I’ll just try a bit of this pasta to see if it’s cooked.” Holy crap. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty. But yes, cooked. But eugh. It was edible if you smothered it in pasta sauce and cheese and anything else which would take away the chickpea flavour. But you can’t help thinking that laying on the toppings kind of defeats any of the benefits of the pasta in the first place.

And then the latest thing – chickpea crisps. I thought they might be nice. I got them for Carole. She had one this morning, and was so repulsed by it that she waited the whole day to tell me just so she could see my reaction to them. Sweet chilli crisps they were. The packet implied they would be delicious.

They were not.

Like Wotsits but made out of something that shouldn’t be made into a Wotsit shape. Hard. And so nasty. But sneaky bastard nasty. They start off nice. They’re really, really tasty in fact. Until you chew them and the chickpea gets onto your tongue. Then they’re awful. Awful. I had to run and get a drink, such was the severity of the awful – made worse by the fact that Carole blocked access to the sink. I was nearly reduced to drinking water from Peppa’s fountain.

And a while ago we found a recipe for roasted chickpea snacks.

They were bloody shite on a bike too.

Three times the chickpea has fooled us.

But no more.

I am wise to its game.