Feb 4, 2019: Kettle

I’ve killed the kettle.

It’s dead. It is an ex-kettle.

I don’t even know how I’ve done it, which is what makes it even more fun. It just appears to have boiled its last.

I’m going to give it the benefit of the doubt though. Maybe there’s some sort of cut out that I have no idea about which has done exactly that. Despite the kettle being used in entirely correct kettle circumstances. I haven’t tried to boil an egg in it, or make pasta in it or anything else that people do to kettles to kill them. I just wanted some hot water.

I didn’t know it would be the last hot water ever, though.

I’ve left it, though. Resting, Maybe whatever’s tripped will untrip during the night. Or maybe it’s really dead. Maybe the fuse has blown. Maybe the socket is dodgy. These are all things that need to be looked at in that mental checklist of things you do when anything ever breaks.

I know, for example, that I’ll be swapping the fuse out tomorrow and seeing if that makes a difference. Once I find some fuses. If I can find some fuses. I’m not even sure we have any. I mean, who has fuses in this day and age? So if anything I’ll be scouring the other plugs for a same-rated fuse and giving that a whirl. Because why unscrew one electrical thing when you can do two?

Since the death, as well, I’ve noticed that I’ve had a real hankering for hot drinks. I guess it’s because it’s something I can’t have that the urge is strong. I could have it, I suppose. If I resorted to using a pan to heat water or adopt the freakishly weird American approach to boiling water – because apparently kettles are an alien concept over there – which is to microwave it. I mean, we do have that swanky new microwave now, after all.

Oh my god, maybe that’s it.

The kettle’s got appliance envy and has just decided to end it all.

I’m sure that’s a technical thing that can actually happen.

You know, once you’ve ruled out fuses, safety cut-outs, broken sockets, loose wires and everything else…