Feb 6, 2019: Tusk

Everyone, and by everyone I mean the Brexiteers, are up in arms after Donald Tusk said that there was a special place in hell for the people who trigger a plan to leave the EU with absolutely no idea of what they’re going to do.

And, of course, Nigel Farage has waded in because he hasn’t been in the news for a while saying that at least it will be a place that’s not under any sort of EU rules and we can do what we want. So we’ll be able to play conkers without goggles on and have bananas as bendy or straight as we want them.

Not to mention, of course, that the hospitals will be rolling in money because of all the savings we’ll make not having to pay the EU loads of money for nothing. Except trade, ease of travel and all sorts of other things that we all take for granted and are going to vanish like a magician’s attractive assistant in about six weeks time.

The thing is, he’s bloody right isn’t he?

And the beauty of it is that everyone who should be maybe working out the finer details of something that is happening in six weeks or so whether we fricking like it or not is now busy pontificating because a foreign man said mean things about them. Which sort of adds more fuel to the fires of hell that those people have reserved for them.

Brexit is a bad idea. It’s always been a bad idea. But nowadays if you say it’s a bad idea a lot of people in high visibility jackets turn up and shout at you about what a good idea it is. High vis jackets, of course, traditionally a domain of the health and safety conscious getting all their ridiculous rules from the EU but now that’s all done with almost anyone can done a yellow jacket and be less likely to be run over at night. But still be a massive bell end.

What I find funny – and I use the term funny quite loosely – is that the Brexiteers, even though they are getting what they want, still seem to be the people shouting the loudest about it. It’s happening. Theresa May has made it clear that she has no intention of backtracking on anything. We’re approaching Brexit like someone who’s halfway down a helter-skelter and would like to change their minds, but they can’t because the slide is to slippery to climb up. So we’re forced to go round and down. It’s just that instead of ending up on a over-sized doormat to arrest our momentum, we’re ploughing head first into a massive pile of shit modelled to look like the heads of Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson.

It’s the same in America with the Trump supporters. People who don’t like Trump speak out and they are shouted at by a mob of angry people who, despite shouting normally being the domain of the wronged, have everything they want. Apart from a wall, obviously.

We don’t have a plan, though.

What we have is a series of emergency measures that involve things like using motorways as lorry parks because they can no longer leave the country. If you read the papers there are boats anchored offshore filled with medicines that we won’t be able to get otherwise. All the businesses that were massive supporters of Brexit are, mysteriously, just poking off to offshore locations. Entirely coincidentally, though. Not that it has anything to do with the clusterfuck coming at the end of next month. Any move was always happening, it’s just that the timing of it looks awfully like Brexit is responsible.

Still, we’ll always have Wetherspoons – a pub chain which is, basically, what you would get if The Sun newspaper applied for a liquor license – which will pleased to be out of the EU because there’s probably a European Union mandate on how much they can pay for wages and the sooner that’s behind them, the better. Because if there’s one thing Wetherspoons likes – other than the longest distance between bar and toilet in the world – it’s not paying people decent wages.

So yes, there is a special place in hell for all the Brexiteering arseholes.

Unfortunately, they’re taking the rest of us with them,