Mar 12, 2019: Handle

We’ve set ourselves a little bit of a challenge recently as we’ve rehung the first of the doors in the house to actually be finished.

Part of the revamp has seen us purchase some nice new handles which, for the first time ever, are going to match throughout the entire house. Up to press we have had an eclectic mix of knobs and handles – some plain, some patterned, different on either side of the door. But now we’re going to have uniformity.

And thus the challenge begins.

Everyone knows a door handle has two jobs.

One is, obviously, to act as a means to open the door.

The second, less obviously, is to be a place you can hang things. A bit like an exercise bike becomes an excellent place to drape clothes, a door handle can hold so many things – bags, clothes, coats, towels, coat hangers…

We are not allowed to use any of the door handles for any of this.

The door handles are purely for the opening of doors. Something which probably has the inventor of the door handle spinning merrily in his grave as I assume, within moments of him coming up with the idea, someone had hung something off it and he was furious.

It has massive implications for storage around our house. Things are routinely hung on door handles. A door handle is a handy place to hook a discarded t-shirt or pair of trousers – as a temporary measure that you will absolutely come back and deal with as soon as you’ve just done whatever it is you’re about to do.

You never go back.

Should you need to wear the items again, you’ll take them directly from the door. They will never move to a secondary location.

Empty coat hangers as well. The same applies. You can gather them, say, from wardrobes and before they go into their box to knit themselves intimately with all the others, they remain on a door handle. And when they get knocked off, as they do because they have a mind of their own and get in the way, they’re put back just where they were.

But there will be none of this. Time gained in not picking up coat hangers alone could amount to several months.

So far, one door is fully handled. Others should follow in quick succession.

We’ve made it 24 hours with the new handles. I have hung things on the old handles. I shouldn’t have really. We should be going cold turkey. But it was just conveniently there as I ironed this afternoon.

I don’t hold out much hope for us.