Mar 16, 2019: Stalk

Another day, another perplexing moment with the weekly shopping.

Celery.

There was no celery.

And no suitable alternatives to the celery I had ordered.

There are at least two other types of celery available, and yet there was none. Not a stalk to be seen.

Are we in the midst of a national celery shortage? Is this the first effect of Brexit, removing out access to the lovely (but sometimes bloody awful) not string (or stringy) green (or occasionally sickly yellow) crunchy (but sometimes floppy) sticks of loveliness? First they take our celery, then they take… well, I don’t know, something which will hopefully offend the readers of the Daily Mail.

I’ve caught wind there might be another chicken shortage heading KFC’s way. But I’ve nothing of the celery supplies. Maybe the winds and rains of recent days have destroyed the crops, blown the stalks far and wide. Maybe the unseasonally warm weather of a few weeks ago has dried out the crops, leaving the stalks to wilt and die.

Whatever the reason – there is no celery, pre-trimmed celery or organic celery. Although if we’d been sent the organic stuff we’d have had to send it back anyway because no-one can really afford to pay those sorts of prices  for stuff. I’d rather be able to afford things and taste a chemical every now and again than be bankrupt but know that any pests on my food were killed naturally by some sort of organic method.

Also, the need to say “it’s organic” all the time as I ate it… that would wear thin. That’s one of the reasons I can’t be doing with veganism. I don’t have the time to be mentioning it every couple of sentences, making sure everyone I come into contact with is aware that I am vegan, or asking “is it vegan” all the time.

Plus there’s the other stuff like, what happens if a vegan who wishes to allow no animal products into their body, smells a fart which is an animal product. That has then entered their body. And given the high roughage levels of their diets, I imagine farts are forthcoming quite regularly.

Anyway, I digress.

Celery. Not a stalk to be had.

So on my way into town I nipped into the small Sainsbury’s at the top of town. Our deliveries come from the store at the bottom of town, a much larger and well stocked store they would have you believe.

Celery.

Couldn’t move for the bloody stuff. Tons of it.