Apr 9, 2019: Alexa

Not content with merely controlling our heating from an app on our phones, at remote distances, we’ve gone all out and incorporated it with Alexa so now we don’t even have to lift a finger.

Obviously Alexa comes with all the fears and conspiracy theories that abound. And we wait patiently for her to send a recording of a bitchy conversation to the person that conversation was about. Or to somehow tweak our entire world view based on one throw away thing that was said.

But until then I’m just going to be asking her to add things to shopping lists, mess with the heating and play different music because it’s fun.

These are my observations regarding Alexa having spent some time in her company.

She has no idea what custard is.

Add custard to the shopping list, I say. She adds coasted. Add custard to the shopping list, Carole says. She adds costed. We don’t even want custard, as far as I know. And that’s probably just as well. Because we won’t get it. We’re going to end up with a shopping list that looks like my mum has typed it. But still, it’s handy. Because now, instead of telling me while I’m half-asleep in the morning, Carole can tell Alexa all the things she wants from the shop that I subsequently forget.

We – and by we I mainly mean Carole – seem to talk to Alexa like “she” owns a shop in a foreign land we have visited on holiday and we’re trying to get them to understand what we want by talking loudly and slowly.

Apart from custard, obviously. She’s just not letting us have that one.