Apr 14, 2019: Doofus

We’ve been sorting out “adult” things recently. Things like wills. We’ve spent quality time talking about death and what will happen after it, which is something that has been floating around for us for a while – ever since my dad’s stuff took forever to sort out.

We’d sorted out wills out. Having been to see our tame solicitor, she knocked us up a couple of wills which we were (are) going to get signed tomorrow. Job’s a good ‘un and all that jazz.

We decided, as we are super responsible adults, to go through the paperwork and make sure we had everything we needed. Which, it turns out, included ID.

So that came unstuck quite quickly. I could live off the grid with the huge lack of ID that I am in possession of. Or not in possession of. Or whatever.

Basically I have nothing. I am a non-entity when it comes to that. I’ve never had a desire to learn to drive, whatsoever, and a provisional driving licence only works as ID up to a certain age – after that you need a full one, which means learning to do something I have no desire to do, at all. And the same, in a way, goes for the passport. I’ve never felt the need to stretch my wings and explore the world. It’s not my thing. I don’t like people in the UK. I’m not going to like people in other places.

I’m just a grumpy curmudgeon and I don’t think anything’s going to change that. Although I did have intentions of getting a passport for the ID thing, but then they will-they-won’t-they tensions of Brexit came along and I don’t really want to even consider the idea until I know what colour it’s going to be because, apparently, that’s really important.

But I’ll have to. I need to. I can “adult” if I don’t have something.

And I don’t even have any bills or anything in my name and address because a) I’m paperless and b) I’m a kept man so all the bills are in Carole’s name…

… not sure I can magic up something before tomorrow’s appointment. Maybe a quick sketch of me. I’m fairly sure if we went to my mum’s house she’s probably got a towel with my name stitched into it.

Does that count as ID?