Apr 15, 2019: Alexas

I think it’s fair to say we have embraced Alexa in our home in the week or so she’s been running.

And that’s even knowing that employees from Amazon are hanging on our every word twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Listening to everything and plotting how to tweak adverts to best suit things we have been talking to. And adding more fuel to the conspiracy fire as they go.

So, yeah, we’ve got another one now. For upstairs. So that we can announce things when we are on different levels. I look forward to be able to call Carole down for food by barking something into Downstairs Alexa, just subtly interrupting her studies with a quiet robotic voice and then a recording of me going, “Dinner!”

And likewise I am sure she will abuse the system no end and use Upstairs Alexa while she is studying to pass on requests for hot chocolates and ginger biscuits.

If there was an Alexa app that could provide them for her, upstairs, then that would be even better. After all we’ve recently removed the need for her to text me to turn the heating on by adding Hive so…

And because sometimes it’s just nice to say, “Alexa, play some music…” and have her chuck some stuff into your ears without having to think about putting the radio on, or whatever. Plus it’s super fun to see what she thinks you’ve asked her to add to the shopping list versus what you actually asked her to add.

Oh, and yesterday she just randomly said, “Bonjour” in the middle of the afternoon. With no context or explanation or anything. Just “Bonjour.” So there is that. And why would we not want that in the bedroom. Being woken up by a computerised voice greeting us in foreign tongues. Or just screaming, “Stop your bloody snoring!” as the Amazon employee assigned to listen to our devices can’t take it anymore.

We’ve also got a smart plug to play with because Carole finds walking up the stairs to turn on the electric blanket to be such a chore and is now super excited about being able to do it remotely. I have to name the plug. I think I’ll name it something she can’t say properly, just for fun. So she still has to go upstairs to switch because no amount of shouting at Alexa will get the job done.

And I have to have my fun somehow…